A Matter of Robes
by rugbytackle-me
Summary: What did Sirius do with James' dress robes? And why does Remus feel as though he is being dragged down with Sirius? Probably because he is!


A Matter of Robes  
  
Sirius bit his lip. That wasn't meant to happen. He closed his eyes, counted to 10 and opened them again. Nope, it hadn't worked, it was still there. Dam! He bit his lip harder and started to worry. What if James found out? He wrung his hands and glared at his wand. Suddenly he heard the door to the Gryffindor Common Room door open and he leapt up, hiding the object in question. He had a sinking feeling that it would be James and really didn't want to see James at this point. A golden head came round the corner. Remus. Oh thank god for Remus.  
  
"Remus!" He yelled even though the boy was standing at a maximum of 3 feet away. Remus jumped away in shock. Although he knew Sirius could be a bit full on he was never this bad.  
  
"Oh thank god you are here. Quick you have to help me. Oh please gods help me!"  
  
Remus took another step backwards and wondered what kind of hex James had put on his best friend. He fumbled for his wand in his robes, just in case of course, not that he would ever intentionally jinx his best friend. Sirius leapt at him and Remus jumped back. It didn't work as there was an armchair behind him and he was tossed over it, Sirius landing in an untidy heap on top of him. Unfortunately for Remus, Sirius recovered first. He grabbed Remus by the collar of his robes and dragged him up to their dormitory, picking something up from by the fire as he did so.  
  
After a particularly uncomfortable dragging up several flights of stairs Remus was unceremoniously dumped in a heap on the floor while Sirius started pacing frantically. Remus shook his head to clear the ringing sound from his ears and straightened out his robes before shakily standing up. He still held his wand warily in front of him as he walked towards his bed (bypassing a still frantically pacing Sirius) and sat down, hoping his friend might have calmed down just a bit. He was wrong. As soon as he was seated Sirius stared again.  
  
"My god what am I going to do? James will kill me, literally rip me from limb to limb and oh my god I will never see 7th year and lord Remus you HAVE to help me!"  
  
"Sirius I will try-"He was cut of by a strangled scream from Sirius as the boy leapt at him again.  
  
"No Remus, you will not try and help me but you WILL help me!" Sirius held the other boy by the collar once again and shook Remus until Remus thought his head would fall off.  
  
"OKAY!" He yelled and somehow (he never quite knew how) managed to throw Sirius off him and onto the floor. "If you had let me finish," Here he threw a glare in Sirius' direction, "then you would have known that I was about to say that I will try and help you. You didn't have to kill me in the process. Now what is the problem?"  
  
"This." Sirius thrust a bundle of robes towards the werewolf. The blonde boy picked them up and examined them. As far as he could see there was nothing wrong with them. He looked over to Sirius (who was almost pulling his shaggy black hair out of his head) and told him calmly him,  
  
"There is nothing wrong with these robes."  
  
Sirius screamed in frustration and was about to lunge at Remus again when the door to their dorm opened and James Potter looked in.  
  
"What, in the name of all that is trouble, is going on in here? Did you just scream Sirius?"  
  
At the sight of his friend Sirius had turned several shades paler and looked as if he was about to take on a 16 foot troll with only a thin weed to help him. In other words scared out of his skull. He opened and closed his mouth several times but no sound came out. Finally he threw a look at Remus before bolting to the bathroom and locking himself in. 2 pairs of eyes, both looking equally confused, stared after him. James turned slowly to Remus and raised an eyebrow. Remus shrugged helplessly and dropped the bundle of robes on the floor.  
  
"Right," James began slowly, "I'm going to try that again! I'll be down in the common room with Lily. See if you can get him out if there before he flushes himself down the loo."  
  
Remus grinned as James flushed at the mention of his girlfriend while inside the bathroom Sirius let out another long and high pitched scream. James took his leave while Remus covered his ears. Werewolves are very sensitive to high pitched noises and that was high pitched. After he was quite sure that the scream had ended Remus made his way cautiously over to the bathroom door.  
  
"Sirius?" He knocked once and waited for an answer. There was none. He called and knocked again but the black haired boy just wasn't answering. Eventually, because he really was quite scared that Sirius had managed to flush himself down the toilet, Remus unlocked the door with his wand and kicked against the barrier Sirius had made. A final kick and the door was open. He peered through. It was not a pretty sight. Sirius was sitting in the bathtub, rocking back and forth and biting his fingernails. He looked like an addict with very bad withdrawal symptoms. Remus groaned.  
  
He pushed the door shut behind him as he stepped over the (now broken) bathroom cabinet that lay smashed against the once locked door. Sirius had obviously made the attempt to keep him out. A very poor attempt but still an attempt. As he looked over to Sirius he groaned again. This could take some time. Carefully he picked his way over to the bathtub and sat on the edge beside his friend.  
  
"Sirius?" Sirius made a noise which sounded a bit like 'gmphzy' and carried on rocking. Remus took this as a good sign that Sirius was listening to him and he began to talk.  
  
"Sirius? I do want to help you, really I do, but you never told me what was wrong. I didn't tell James either as I am guessing he has something to do with it. You are going to have to think of an excuse to tell him (you've been jinxed perhaps?) to throw him off the trail. Now would you explain about the seemingly normal pair of robes out there in the bedroom?"  
  
Although he managed to start talking Sirius didn't stop rocking.  
  
"Well you see those robes out there are my robes." Remus nodded but didn't question this statement, hoping Sirius would carry on talking as he had no idea what the boy was talking about. He never usually understood his friend's plan until the end. Eventually Sirius did start talking again and Remus breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
"And you know how James really likes Lily and can't wait for the Yule Ball?" Now Remus was really confused, what did James taking Lily to the Yule Ball have to do with a pair of Sirius' robes? Still he carried on listening patiently. "I sort of made James' dress robes disappear and I can't get them back."  
  
Remus' mouth fell open and he stared in terror at Sirius. He was talking to a dead man. Sirius would be dead within the week.  
  
"YOU WHAT?! You made James' dress robes disappear? Why?!"  
  
Sirius hung his head and whispered. "Yes."  
  
"But why?!"  
  
"I was trying to make mine disappear and his and mine look alike and then I made a pair disappear and then I realised that they were mine! Remus you have to help me! The ball is in 2 days and I need to get James some new dress robes!"  
  
"Why don't you give him yours?"  
  
"I turned mine plain black and they don't fit him. He is too skinny and they would drown him. I need to get to Hogsmeade and get him new ones!"  
  
"You will have to do it tomorrow night then. There is no other time." Remus thought carefully.  
  
"AAAH!!" Sirius cried out in frustration.  
  
"Calm down, this isn't as bad as it seems."  
  
"Isn't as bad?! You aren't the one that is going to get ripped apart by James!" Sirius looked like he was about to strangle Remus again and Remus backed off a little bit.  
  
"Okay so it is bad but calm down, we can sort this out. All you have to do is sneak out to Hogsmeade. I'll distract James tomorrow and you and Peter-"  
  
"Oh no, I don't trust Peter with a huge secret like this. You can come with me! Peter will keep James busy-I'll tell him what to do, go find Lily! Perfect! Okay we will speak later."  
  
With that decided Sirius hopped out of the bath and left the room, whistling jauntily while Remus sat dazed in the bathroom. This was going to be an interesting couple of days. He made his way out of the bathroom and down to the common room where Sirius was in the middle of recalling how some jinx had gone wrong, making the whole common room collapse in laughter. He glanced up as Remus entered and took a seat, before carrying on with his tale.  
  
The next morning Remus woke to find Sirius' finger poking him in the side in a most annoying manner. He groaned and rolled over, burying his head under the pillow. Sirius growled at him, transformed and proceeded to lick Remus all over his face until he woke fully. It seemed to Remus, as he pulled on some clean clothes, that it was a lot harder to ignore an enormous, hairy, (and did I mention smelly?) dog that was sitting on your chest covering you in dog breath than it was to ignore a 15-year-old poking you in the side. But all this time thinking was quickly cut off as Sirius grabbed his arm and dragged him downstairs for breakfast.  
  
"Hey Padfoot calm down. You will have to wait until tonight you know, what with classes still on and things."  
  
Sirius ignored him and took a seat before shovelling food onto his plate and into his mouth.  
  
"You dragged me down here to watch you eat? Gee thanks Sirius, what a treat!" Remus sat himself opposite his (slightly deranged) friend and helped himself to a piece of toast.  
  
He ate it slowly, marvelling at the fact that Sirius could still talk quite clearly with 2 ½ fried eggs, 1 ½ sausages, 3 tomatoes and half chewed piece of toast all stuffed into his mouth. 'Really,' thought Remus, 'he really does have the most amazing talents!'  
  
"I dragged you down here because I don't want to face James much today. I would like to see my future and finish school, amazing as that seems. Classes will be enough. It is far less suspicious if I am with someone than darting off on my own. Luckily I am partnered with you." He swallowed. "You think he will go on about Lily all day then blush whenever she comes within a 10 foot radius?"  
  
Remus laughed. "That's like saying I won't turn into a werewolf each month! Oh look out Sirius, here he comes with Peter. Oh and Sirius wipe the food from your mouth and try not to spit over him, it will only make him madder."  
  
Sirius grabbed a napkin and wiped his face before glowering at Remus. Remus smiled back before calling over to James and Peter. They came over and sat down while Sirius finished the rest of the food on his plate, grabbed his bag and Remus' collar and dragged them both from away and out of the Great Hall.  
  
Remus gagged for breath as James and Peter stared after them, Sirius yelling and waving goodbye. After Remus had been dumped with a heavy book bag on top of him onto the ground, and after regaining his breath, from being hanged by his robes, he turned on Sirius, who was pacing up and down in front of his (soon to be former thought Remus) best friend.  
  
"Sirius please! For the love of God would you stop killing me! I would also like to live! You cannot operate this plan without me!" Remus yelled at him.  
  
Sirius didn't stop moving and neither did he talk. Remus tapped his friend on the leg from the ground.  
  
"Sirius."  
  
He tapped again.  
  
"Sirius."  
  
Sirius walked past him yet again.  
  
"SIRIUS!!!" Remus screamed and Sirius jerked round, shocked.  
  
"What?!"  
  
Remus threw his hands up in the air and resisted the urge to start banging his head off the nearest stone wall.  
  
"Never mind Sirius, lets just go to class and try to dodge James. Come on."  
  
Remus led the way to Transfiguration class, thanking whatever God was up there that they didn't have Potions that day. 'Sirius would have never escaped that lesson without some sort of detention. And hopefully Snape would keep his mouth shut for the day and leave Sirius alone. Wait. This is Snape we are talking about. Oh well, I can hope,' Remus thought to himself.  
  
The day seemed to pass exceedingly slowly for both Remus and Sirius. Snape almost got himself hexed as he taunted Sirius about why he didn't have a date for the dance. Sirius had given him a black look and was reaching for his wand before Remus stepped in and took his friend's wand and kept it until Snape had gone out of sight.  
  
'It is a funny thing though,' Remus thought, 'Why isn't Sirius going to the ball? He has had a ton of people asking him. Why just as we were walking down this corridor 3 girls asked him and he turned down all of them. Sirius really was a strange boy, depending on what mood he was in. Oh well there are more important things to think about. Like the fact that James and Lily are heading our way. Uh oh.' Remus looked over to see Sirius turning paler, his eyes widening and looking round for an escape route. There was none.  
  
"Look Sirius, calm down. Just act normal and let me do most, no wait, let me do all of the talking!" Remus whispered to him and turned to face his friends.  
  
"James! Lily! Over here!" Remus waved to them as they wandered over.  
  
"Ready for the Ball tomorrow?" He asked them while Sirius stared at him as if he had gone mad.  
  
'If looks could kill I would be dead by now.' Remus thought to himself as he cast a sideways glance at Sirius.  
  
"Totally." And right on cue James looked over to Lily and smiled sappily. Lily smiled back and before Sirius knew what was happening he was being dragged away by Remus.  
  
"Wha-? I thought I was meant to be the one pulling you away! And why the hell did you invite James and Lily over when you told me to stay away from them?!"  
  
"Well I know that if I asked them about the Ball they would get all lovey- dovey and we could slip away unnoticed. How sickening but it works!" Remus grinned happily to himself and Sirius resisted the urge to kick him. He was helping him after all.  
  
"Come on, we only have dinner to get through and then we can excuse ourselves and go get James some new robes! Hopefully the same ones as last time! All we have to do is steal the invisibility cloak, sneak into Hogsmeade, break out of Honeydukes, break into the Robe Store, break back into Honeydukes and then sneak back to Hogwarts! A piece of cake really!" Remus grinned at Sirius.  
  
"Oh that's all. Not that much then." Sirius grumbled away to himself. Remus rolled his eyes and continued leading a muttering Sirius down the corridor.  
  
"Hey Padfoot, we could just skip dinner and go get the Cloak while James is busy. Get food later from the kitchens, what do you say?" Remus looked at his friend. "An excellent idea Moony! To the Tower!" He turned and ran off, Remus following more slowly behind. By the time he had made it to the dorm Sirius had already found the Cloak and was on his way out.  
  
"Come on slow coach, hurry up."  
  
Remus chose to ignore that comment as he ducked into the dorm and fetched a few things before Sirius threw the Cloak over his head. They crept through the deserted halls until they reached the right statue. Remus kept a look out while Sirius opened the passage and snuck inside. Once safely inside they practically ran along the passage, all the way to Hogsmeade. ½ an hour later, both seriously out of breath, they opened the trapdoor into Honeydukes' cellar, thanking God that no one had left any boxes on top of it. The shop was still open and, after checking the times, they realised that they had just over an hour to get the robes and get back into the shop before it closed. They dashed along to the Robe Store and inside. Sirius immediately started looking for robes that were the same as James'. He screamed in delight (while Remus held his hands up to his ears and thought in amazement, 'did Sirius just scream?!') and held up a pair of robes.  
  
"Perfect! Look Remmie I found them! Right, now all we have to do is pay and..." Sirius trailed away and looked round in horror. "I forgot the money!" he hissed at Remus.  
  
"Oh god oh god oh god oh god, what the hell am I going to do? Oh shit, oh fuck, oh bugger...god now what am I going to do?" he started pacing the shop, almost pulling out his hair in frustration. Remus leaned over and took the robes from his grasp, scared he would tear them up, and waited. And waited. And then waited some more before...  
  
"REMUS, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO??" Sirius grabbed his friend and started shaking him as if by knocking Remus' head off then he would find the answer to everything.  
  
"Ow. Okay Sirius, you gotta let me go...no seriously Sirius, my head is hurting me now...Ow!!"  
  
Sirius had to let go for his head had just cracked off Remus' and it was actually quite sore. No it wasn't quite sore, it hurt like bloody hell!  
  
"God Remus, why do you have to have such a hard bloody head?" Sirius wasn't happy and when Sirius wasn't happy Sirius swore to kingdom come.  
  
"Well it is lucky for you that you didn't knock me unconscious by slamming my head into your own and that I came with you because I, being the sensible one here, thought you might forget and decided to bring some." Remus rubbed his head and took out a small bag from his robes. "Here." He tossed the bag to Sirius who caught it deftly.  
  
Sirius opened it and poured the coins into his hands, sifting and sorting them. He took a few the put the rest back.  
  
"God Moony you are a lifesaver. A Lifesaver with a bloody head made out of iron or something but a lifesaver none the less." Sirius grinned and hugged the werewolf. Remus smiled and pushed Sirius towards the cash desk.  
  
"Shut up and just go and pay so we can get out of here."  
  
Sirius bounded away before jogging back and taking the robes Remus was offering out to him. "Thanks." He grinned sheepishly while Remus rolled his eyes and dashed off again. Remus wandered outside to wait. He looked at his watch. 6 o'clock, not too bad. He waited until the door opened again and Sirius stepped out. He was red in the face and was livid with anger.  
  
"Bloody witch! Wouldn't sell me the bloody robes because I'm too bloody young! What the bloody hell are we going to do now?"  
  
"She what?"  
  
"Wouldn't sell me anything because I'm still at school! I'm 16 for God's sake!"  
  
"Wait, wait." Remus the ever practical one calmed his friend. "We can still get the robes."  
  
"How? And no we are not going conning a teacher into coming and buying them for us, even I wouldn't go that far!"  
  
"Don't be stupid Sirius. I meant we could do a growing spell, on me, she won't have seen me so I'll be safe."  
  
"Great idea Remus except we don't have any growing potions on us and I don't know the spell."  
  
Remus groaned. "Sirius, not all of us waste our spare time. I prefer to read books and in some of these books it tells you spells and sometimes you can even learn these spells! And I have done this. And I know a growing spell!"  
  
"Are you mocking me Moony?"  
  
"No Padfoot, would I do such a thing?" Remus made his voice innocent and grinned cheekily at Sirius. He took out his wand and muttered a few words underneath his breath and flicked his wand. He himself felt nothing but from the look of shock on Sirius's face he could tell something had happened.  
  
"What? Is it bad? Do I not look older?" Sirius mouth had dropped open.  
  
"No it's just, well you look different."  
  
"Of course I look different! I'm older you twat! Now will I pass for 18 and above?"  
  
Sirius nodded and passed over the coins he had taken from Remus. Remus frowned as Sirius was still staring at him.  
  
"Sirius! What are you staring at?! Do I look really stupid or something? I haven't turned into a girl have I?"  
  
A quick look at his chest confirmed that fact that he was still male. He decided to ignore his friend and entered the shop, finding the robes that had been placed magically back into their rack. He approached the desk cautiously and shyly handed over the robes and the coins. The woman behind the desk smiled and made pleasant conversation while cashing up his purchase. With the robes in one hand and the change in the other Remus practically flew from the shop. Sirius was pacing the street outside and fairly pounced on his friend.  
  
"Remus I could kiss you!" Remus started a bit. "But I won't of course!" he hurriedly reassured his friend. "You have just saved my life! Thank you!"  
  
To show his gratitude Sirius got down on his knees and started to kiss Remus' shoes instead. Remus blushed and nudged Sirius away.  
  
"Honestly Padfoot! People are beginning to stare!" He hauled Sirius to his feet and dusted down his clothes.  
  
"Now, let's get back to Hogwarts!"  
  
"Can't we just go for a Butterbeer first? I mean we have cause..." On seeing the blonde's face Sirius trailed off. "Okay doesn't matter! We can raid the kitchens later. To Honeydukes!"  
  
He pulled Remus along and in no time they were sneaking into Honeydukes cellar. Down the trapdoor and then a quick jog until Sirius felt it safe to walk again.  
  
"That was fun! Did you not have fun Moony?"  
  
Remus, walking ahead of Sirius, chose to ignore him and carry on walking.  
  
"I mean okay, the life threatening situation put a bit of a dampener on things but all other things considered I had fun! What time is it Moony?"  
  
Remus checked his watch. "6:45."  
  
"Plenty of time. Do you think James has noticed us gone?" Remus could practically hear Sirius grinning behind him.  
  
"More likely Peter, James is too wrapped up in Lily." Remus told him, also smiling.  
  
"And what is so wrong with that?"  
  
Remus froze. Sirius froze behind him.  
  
"What the hell?!" Sirius barged past Remus.  
  
"How the hell did you get here James?!"  
  
James stepped forward from the shadows. He grinned.  
  
"And again I ask, what is so wrong with that?"  
  
"Yeah, what's wrong with that?"" Lily stepped from behind James, holding his hand tightly, a small smile on her face.  
  
"Well no-nothing really, just...erm..." Remus trailed off and poked Sirius in front if him.  
  
Sirius shrugged Remus away and turned on James.  
  
"What are you doing here?"  
  
"I was taking Lily to Hogsmeade for a Butterbeer when we heard you two coming."  
  
Remus blanched. How much had they heard? Sirius glanced back at him, also worried. They both turned to James who had an evil smirk on his face.  
  
"And what is this life threatening situation?"  
  
Remus groaned and Sirius thrust the bag of robes behind him. Remus took it and hid it under his own robes. James didn't seem to notice.  
  
"Uh-well...the life threatening situation was..." Sirius was stopped by Remus' hand on his arm.  
  
"Well you see, we had been in Hogsmeade and we had had a few drinks of Fire Whiskeys and we got into a slight bit of trouble so our situation was if we could get back to Hogwarts and into the common room without Professor McGonagall catching us. We were just coming back when we met you. Thought you might be a professor see?" Remus looked over at James, gauging his reaction.  
  
"Well you had better get back to school then hadn't you?" James grinned. Remus let out a sigh of relief and Sirius moved up behind him.  
  
"I don't think you should go to Hogsmeade. Bartender was kind of angry. Heading back with us?"  
  
James grinned again. "No I think we're gonna stay here a while."  
  
Lily blushed and ducked her head while James grinned harder. Remus caught Sirius' eye and they both retched. James' grin turned to a scowl as he glared at them and ushered them past. Remus took the opportunity and dashed past, bag still hidden under his robes. Sirius followed him and they ran in silence back to the castle. There, they sped back to the common room. They collapsed into a couch by the fire and brought out the robes. They looked perfect in the fire light.  
  
"Sirius you had better take them upstairs and put the in James' trunk before he gets back. Just in case he comes back sooner rather than later."  
  
Sirius nodded and ran off. Meanwhile the portrait hole swung open and Peter scrambled through.  
  
"Remus!" He came over. "There you are! I've been wondering where you went."  
  
"Sorry Pete, I had to go and see Madam Pomfrey."  
  
Peter sat down. "Nothing too bad?"  
  
Remus shook his head.  
  
"Good. You seen Sirius on your travels?"  
  
"Nope, I think Padfoot wanted a run so off he went. Needed some time alone."  
  
"Oh." Peter laughed.  
  
"James went off with Lily a while back so we probably shouldn't expect the back for a while." They both laughed. Sirius bounded down the stairs and collapsed down beside Remus once more.  
  
"Hey Wormtail, good evening?"  
  
"Not too bad Padfoot. Now if you will excuse me, I've got some work to finish off. Could be calling on you later!" He smiled and headed upstairs.  
  
"Mission complete?" Remus asked Sirius.  
  
"Mission complete." He grinned happily.  
  
But just at that moment James came storming through the Portrait Hole, fuming at the ears, Lily running after him. A couple of First Years scuttled out of his way as he stormed towards his friends.  
  
"SIRIUS!!!"  
  
Sirius cowered.  
  
"Padfoot, what did you do?" Moony asked him.  
  
"I don't know, Moony. Honestly I don't!" Sirius' eyes were wide with fear.  
  
"I am going to kill you! Rip you apart, piece by piece! Last year! You are so gonna die!" James was getting nearer. His yelling though was getting no quieter.  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Oh? That is not a good sign. What?" Remus hissed at him.  
  
"Well there was this one thing with Lily..."  
  
"Don't even finish that Padfoot. Just run." Remus shoved him and at those words Sirius bolted, with a yell of "SIRIUS!" coming after him. 


End file.
